I don't have babies so I don't get a baby shower
childfree woman post 2024 election
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I don't have babies so I don't get a baby shower. I mean, obviously, right? Babies showers are for people with babies.
This is a theme of my life I don’t often write about. I am a 35-year-old childfree woman (childless, if you’re nasty). I don’t often feel the need to write about it because I am truly a-okay with my life and my decisions that have brought me to this point.
It doesn’t even really hurt my feelings too much when I read about all the not-super-nice (or super-not-nice) things people say about others like me who haven’t birthed children. Rather than feel disheartened, I feel emboldened in my choice. My life kicks ass, and it takes a lot for anyone else’s opinions to make me feel otherwise.
When what’s-his-face made jokes about childless cat ladies, I would have laughingly bought the mug from the Kamala Harris Store if it’d been in my budget. (Even though that’s such an othering term; I’m a childless dog lady.)
And yet, other times, I receive yet another baby shower invitation, and I do feel a pang of… something. Loss? Disappointment? Resignation? Being-left-behind? All mixed with genuine joy and gladness for the new parents.
See ya at the funeral
A meme was floating around a while back that said something like, let’s not wait until my funeral to find a time to get together and celebrate me.
Yeesh. That’s dark, yeah? But the more I thought about it, I realized I’ve officially tapped my allotted, culturally-acceptable parties with my accomplishments, as a woman. I got to have the wedding shower and the wedding. Congrats! You’re done!
My birthday is the day before Halloween and you better believe every single year, without fail, I host a costume party to celebrate my favorite holiday. (My birthday, duh!)
Surprises! Travel plans! New experiences! As an Enneagram Type 7, I thrive on these, and yes, celebrating myself is part of that list.
So when I realize that I don’t have a “real” reason to invite everyone to celebrate an accomplishment in my life, or “shower” me with gifts and unsolicited but mostly well-meaning advice, it bums me out.
How about we celebrate that a woman is surviving this life? How about we celebrate that she quit her job and moved abroad? Or that she kept the job she has? She grew a freaking garden! She published a poem! She wrote a poem! She made a decision and, wow, is that hard sometimes. Here’s to celebrating women. Period.
How can I celebrate with you today? Get a new haircut? Get a new job? Quit a toxic friendship? Gain a new friendship in your 30s (if so, please, teach me your ways!) Share your celebrations in the comments!
Cheers,
Jordan
If you’re new here…
Hi! I’m Jordan, and Shade Cactus is where being a homebody and always planning your next travel adventure come to meet. It’s a travel blog / poetry newsletter / attempt to understand my inner world a bit better each day.
Subscribers can expect weekly-ish newsletters from me (and my forever undying gratitude!)
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I didn't know you were an Enneagram 7! <3
I have felt so much of what you've written about here. I wanted to throw a shower for myself when I published my first book but someone in my family said it would be tacky. I regret listening to them!!
Maybe we should have dog showers? 😂 This post is spot on! 🙌