As an Enneagram 7, I'm burning out
when multi-passionate becomes multi-disappointed
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As an Enneagram 7, I am genuinely enthused by all manner of activities, hobbies, and ideas, typically all at once. Managing my schedule is only a challenge when I fill it up with too many things I want to do.
A strength of mine is being able to easily say no to things I don’t want to do.
Party starts at 9 pm? No, thank you!
Up to exercise at 5 am? Pass!
5-and-under baseball game? Striiike.
But there are many things I do want to do, and that’s where things get tricky. Since all of these activities are things I actually want to be doing, I should be able to fit them all in, right?
Now, as much as this is starting to sound like some kind of guide to the Enneagram, with a specialized look at type 7s (though we 7s would really love that), this isn’t that at all. I’m not an expert in the Enneagram, but learning more about my own type made me more of an expert in my own experience.
Although learning I was an Enneagram 7 (often referred to as the Enthusiast, in fact) explained so much about myself and how I move throughout the world in all manner of circumstances, what I gained most was a better understanding of how I handle FOMO.
Has FOMO been added to the dictionary yet?
FOMO is how I tend to experience my life in every moment. No matter what I’m doing, even if I’m enjoying it, there is something that I am missing out on.
The other day, my sister told me that my nephew, her youngest son, is an Enneagram 7 (just like his Aunt Jordy!) She homeschools her two boys, who are 9 and 7, and she was worrying that as lit up by every activity and opportunity he is, he might be missing out on the social aspect of school. “I’m afraid he feels like he’s missing out,” she said.
“He is,” I told her. “But the thing is, Enneagram 7s will always feel like we’re missing out, no matter what we’re doing. If he was at school, he’d feel he’s missing out on spending time at home with mom.”
It can get a bit exhausting. Tack on the added layer of guilt I tend to feel for not mAkiNg ThE mOsT of every moment, and my head can really get into a tailspin.
Lighting the match to watch it burn
Burnout is something I had heard a lot about in recent years but couldn’t relate to.
Thanks to having a remote job, I have a bit more flexibility in my schedule than other typical 9-5 jobs. And because of my personality, I walk into virtual rooms stoked to be there and collaborate with my teammates. But something odd started to happen a few months ago.
The enthusiasm was waning. Or hiding? Enthusiasm decided to take a hiatus and hightail it out of town. I was burned out.
It was… bewildering. I was used to caring SO MUCH about every detail, decision, and conversation in my work. Finding myself incapable of caring actually hurt — physically, mentally, and emotionally. It felt completely out of alignment with who I know myself to be.
Burnout feels like brain fog. It feels like trying to watch a YouTube video that keeps buffering every 20 seconds, attention dipping in and out.
Burnout aches like a heavy weight in my chest — like carpal tunnel of the heart. There were days when the only release of that anxious weight came from feral screaming into a towel in my bathroom between meetings. I thought, how do I get myself out of this?
Similarly to how I always feel like I’m missing out on something, I started to feel like I was always failing at something. Productive brainstorming session with my team? Didn’t finish that data deck. Full review of creative assets for the coming week? That survey hasn’t written itself.
Burnout highlights new and terrible ways to feel disappointed with myself. Because I’m failing at so many things at once. FOMO became Failing On My Overstuffed (Life) — alright I kind of shoehorned that in there, but you get the idea.
There isn’t a solution coming
And I’m just in the middle of it. I don’t have a 5-step plan that I’ve uncovered to fix burnout or a list of books to read my way through it. (Though I have had my eye on
’s book!) I’m simply trying to live my way through this new experience.Because maybe it’s not burnout? Maybe it’s the outrageous expectations of life?
I’ve googled “how to cope with burnout” on more than one occasion, and all I see is PRIORITIZE SELF-CARE headlined at me over and over again. Like, I get it! I need to drink water! And go to yoga! And journal! Not to toot my own horn, but I do all of those things every day while also getting in a walk with my dog and having special interests and relationships outside of work (literally no end to the special interests, said the Enthusiast).
And yet, here I am. Bewildered, burnt out, and bummed. But…
One thing I have discovered through this experience is the relevance of self-trust. ‘Trust” was my word of the year a few years ago, and there were a hundred lessons I uncovered throughout that year. One of my favorites came in the form of an affirmation/permission note I wrote for myself:
I am making the right choice because it’s the one I made.
When I feel unable to celebrate what I’ve completed because I only see what I haven’t done, or when I choose to fill my life with what feels fun at that moment, forgoing my self-care tasklist, I know I’m making the right choice. Because it’s the one I made.
As an Enneagram 7, if I’m not having fun, I’m not doing it. I choose how I spend my precious life, and burning out isn’t it.
If you’re new here…
Hi! I’m Jordan, and Shade Cactus is where being a homebody and always planning your next travel adventure come to meet. It’s a travel blog / poetry newsletter / attempt to understand my inner world a bit better each day.
Subscribers can expect weekly-ish newsletters from me (and my forever undying gratitude!)
What a brave and honest share! Now I understand the Enneagram 7 enthusiast a bit more. And the affirmation that you wrote about this is the right decision because it’s the one I’m making now is so powerful. And the whole thing about self trust. Blessings on your journey of exploration and discovery of how to honor your enthusiast self without feeling like a YouTube video that’s buffering every 20 seconds! 🙏
Ohhhhh, I read Nagoski's book a few winters ago...am feeling like I need to pick that back up. Also, this winter I've been trying to get better at saying no to things I don't want to do without feeling I need to apologize.